Cure for Hiccups
by Klavieres
Summary: Itachi is in the middle of a meeting and when he can't seem to get rid of a problem, Kakashi offers to help. Short oneshot, Pre-Massacre.


**I do not own Naruto**

**-xXx-**

It was a bright and sunny day in the shinobi village of Konoha, and in the office of the Hokage there was a meeting being held about the upcoming chuunin exams, set to be held in the neighboring country of Wind. The Jounin teachers of the current genin were present to nominate their students, and the leaders of the Anbu force were there to get an idea of who would be a good future candidate to become their comrade.

The Hokage, talking to the shinobi about the need for their students to behave lest something happen and cause tension between the villages, was suddenly cut off by a small, high-pitched hic echoing throughout the room. He paused, wondering what the sound was, and chuunin and ANBU leader Uchiha Itachi felt his face heat up. Sarutobi caught this and raised a questioning eyebrow as everyone in the room looked at the Uchiha prodigy as well.

"...I have the hiccups, sir," Itachi quietly explained, mortified that this was interrupting the meeting. The Third seemed to be amused by this, though, as he grinned and chuckled.

"Of course," Sarutobi replied, and turned back to the scrolls on his desk. He began speaking again, only to have Itachi hiccup again. The Third glanced up at Itachi, who now had a hand clamped over his mouth and an even brighter blush.

"Excuse me," he muttered, embarrassed. The other shinobi around him chuckled at him and Sarutobi smiled again.

"It's not like you can help it," he laughed. "Don't be so embarrassed."

And things went on normally.

Attempt Number One:

"Hold your breath," a voice whispered from his left. Itachi glanced up at Hatake Kakashi, who was diligently facing the Hokage. The Uchiha looked back to the front and followed the advice, stopping his air flow after a deep inhale.

Kakashi glance to the side when he saw something move, and noticed a house fly trapped in the office. It flew past his face and landed on his shoulder. He slowly raised a hand and clapped his shoulder, but the fly zoomed out of the way just in time. It zipped around for a little more and Kakashi almost lost it, but he caught sight of it again as it landed on the back of the boy beside him. He slowly raised his hand, out of Itachi's sight, and brought it down hard on the Uchiha's back.

Itachi noisily spluttered out coughs as the air was knocked out of him, and half a second after the hand smacked his body, he hiccuped again, which turned out to hurt more than he thought it would.

The entire room turned to the two as Itachi gripped his chest in slight pain as he regained his breathing pattern and glared at Kakashi, who was grinning victoriously ear to ear and reaching over to wipe his hand off on the innocent ninja on the other side of him.

Attempt Number Two:

Itachi winced as he forcibly swallowed another hiccup, the action not at all comfortable. The previous incident had been embarrassing, but Kakashi had apologized sincerely so he guessed it was fine.

He swallowed another hiccup and grimaced.

Something tapped his arm, and he looked down to see a full water bottle being held out to him by Kakashi. He rose an eyebrow before taking and looking at him questioningly.

"Take a drink while pinching your nose closed," Kakashi instructed. Itachi made a face at the odd trick, but since he honestly could not remember the last time he had hiccups, he didn't know any other ways to get rid of them.

He decided to do it anyways, and since they were in the back and the Third was focused on a scroll he was going over, no one would see him. He pinched his nose closed, tilting his head back and awkwardly maneuvering the rim of the bottle around his hand.

He actually had to resist a spit take at the man in front of him when he took a quick swig of the liquid. Miraculously, he kept quiet when he swallowed what seemed like vodka, his throat burning as the alcohol slid down.

He gave Kakashi a look that clearly said "WTF?" and quickly screwed the cap on and thrust it into Kakashi's space.

Kakashi gave him a questioning look as he unscrewed the cap and sniffed it, eyes widened in surprise.

"Oops, I mixed up my bottle with Genma's," he whispered sheepishly.

Itachi scowled and tried to swallow the feeling down, wishing he had some actual water. He decided, after this being his first taste of alchohol, that he did not like it.

He hiccuped again and scowled more.

Attempt Number Three:

Itachi stood still, paying full attention to the Hokage and continuing to painfully swallow his hiccups.

He twitched when Kakashi tapped him again, glaring at the man.

"What?" he hissed as quietly as he could.

"I have another idea," Kakashi whispered just as quietly.

"How many cures are there?" Itachi asked incredulously.

The silver-haired man paused and thought for a second. "Depends. How many times are you willing to try them?"

Itachi sighed and leaned away. "I'd rather not. I've had enough of your "cures.""

Kakashi shrugged. "Suit yourself."

Things were quiet again, saved for the small muffled noises that sounded when Itachi swallowed a hiccup. At least they were much quieter.

"Nii-san!"

Itachi jumped at the sudden terrified exclamation in the quiet room, widening his eyes in surprise when he recognized the voice as his little brother's.

He looked to where he heard it from, not noticing the others not noticing, and paled in horror when he saw Sasuke _barely_ hanging onto the ledge of a fifth-story window.

"Sasuke!" he gasped in terror, jumping forward. Kakashi grabbed his shoulder, keeping him in place.

Itachi blinked his eyes and suddenly Sasuke wasn't there anymore. He would have completely panicked, had it not been for the sudden realization that someone had put him into a genjutsu. Kakashi, his hand still on Itachi's shoulder, was quietly laughing at him.

"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, ne?" the copy nin asked, not even paying attention to how everyone was watching their exchange.

Itachi turned around, his Sharingan spinning slowly. Kakashi immediately let go of his shoulder, putting his hands up defensively. "Hey, now-"

Itachi's fist snapped forward, catching Kakashi right in the mouth and knocking the silver-haired nin onto his back.

"Try that again," Itachi snarled, scowling at the man. "I dare you."

A minute later had Itachi and Kakashi separated to opposite sides of the room, with the Uchiha standing smugly with his arms crossed and hiccup-free, and the Copynin nursing a busted lip.

"Now on to business," Sarutobi finally began.

"Hic."

The Third's eye twitched as he slowly looked back up at the Uchiha.

"Yea, that was me," Kakashi rose a hand.


End file.
